January 27, 2017 Friday

He was so excited. I was so terrified. What if I break him? What if I can’t keep him safe? What if he has another stroke?

But I know better than to live in the land of ‘what ifs’. All those things existed before the stroke and I rarely (notice I said rarely) gave them a thought. Energy flows where your attention goes. So my attention was on a happy healthy life!

Three hours of therapy to go then we could go home.

Our physical therapist took us on a long tour of the hospital with Chris walking. The most he’s walked for a week. He was a pro. Not walking into anything. Not getting fatigued. And maintaining a good pace. I showed him where I ate, pointed out how far I had to walk to my car each night and to get food. The therapist was so encouraging. She really supported Chris and his recovery. She complimented his attitude…and his support system, me. She caught me off guard and said that Chris had excellent support from what she could see. That I had a great attitude and was extremely supportive which she said was rare.

I was stunned. Who wouldn’t be supportive?

Chris is my beloved. I would do anything to support him and encourage him in his recovery.

It was bittersweet leaving the hospital that afternoon. While it is nice to be together again at home, a certain familiarity and comfort had fostered in the hospital. A routine and consistency existed there, but going home means independence, growth and familiarity as well.

We laid out a well thought out plan. He was going to wait in the car while I took the dogs outside, then he would go inside. This way they wouldn’t get  wind of him, would do their outside business and be ready to greet him when they went inside.

Oh, but no he couldn’t do that.

Nope.

Wouldn’t stay on script to save me strife.

I went in to get the dogs and when I came out he was sitting in his truck, with it running, in full view of the dogs. I could’ve killed him there. The dogs had no interest then in doing anything other than getting to him. I put them on their chains but they did nothing but bark in the direction of the running truck.

Grrrrr.

I got Chris in the house. He was oblivious to the chaos he’d just introduced by disregarding our plan. Oblivious. Perhaps because he was dumbfounded by his discovery that indeed he had no business driving. A factor he determined after just getting behind the wheel and starting the truck. It was hard to be mad at him, when he had absolutely no clue. Ten minutes after bringing them in I had to take the dogs back out. I wanted to choke Chris. I had a plan, why couldn’t he stick with it?

This would be a great indicator of the days to come. My plans vs Chris’s actions.

sigh

That night at home was blissful though after that. We were able to put a bit of a period on the end of the stroke sentence and start a new paragraph.

Tomorrow that paragraph starts a new chapter.

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